Far be it for me to comment on another culture but really two husbands, at the same time? This article begs for so many responses but I am not going to influence you, let me know your thoughts.
HIMACHAL PRADESH, India (CNN) -- Amar and Kundan Singh Pundir are brothers. Younger brother Amar breaks rocks in a mine for a living. Kundan farms their small piece of inherited land. They live in a beautiful but remote hillside village in the clouds of Himachal Pradesh, India.
Both in their 40's, the two brothers have lived together nearly their whole lives. They are poor and share just about everything: Their home, their work and a wife.
"See we have a tradition from the beginning to have a family of five to 10 people. Two brothers and one wife." Kundan says.
They practice what is known as fraternal polyandry -- where the brothers of one family marry the same woman. Why? Tradition and economics.
Life is hard here. The village is precariously perched on the side of a very steep hill about 6,000ft up. Most of the villagers survive off tiny plots of cropland.
In this difficult terrain there isn't enough land to go around. So, instead of finding separate wives and splitting up their inherited property, the brothers marry the same woman and keep their land together.
Wife Indira Devi says life with two husbands isn't easy.
"We fight a lot."
But like any married couple they fight mostly over mundane stuff, except there are three spouses instead of two.
"Usually it's about chores, why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that?" she says.
One thing they agreed on was the need to have children; They have three. So how does a married trio deal with sex?
"We make shifts, change shifts and sleep on alternate days. We have to make shifts otherwise it won't work," Kundan says.
"To run our families we have to do this, overcome the hurdles as well and then we have to control our hearts from feeling too much," Amar adds.
To outsiders their arrangement may seem odd, but in the village of about 200 it is the norm.
Typically the marriages are arranged and women have two husbands. But some wives have three or four depending on how many brothers there are in a family.
Polyandry is illegal in India but socially acceptable here. No one from the government seems to bother the villagers about the law.
"It's been going on for ages. My sister in law has two husbands, my mother in law also has two husbands," Indira says.
And as to the question of which husband is the biological father of the children -- the Pundir's don't know and don't care.
"For me everyone is the same, my mother and my fathers are the same. My mother and my fathers are like God to me," 17-year old daughter Sunita Singh Pundir says.
Even as modern society arrives in this ancient village through satellite dishes and mobile phones, the Pundirs say they want their age-old tradition to continue with their children.
"Absolutely," eldest son Sohna says.
He and his younger brother have already discussed it and will marry the same woman.
Daughter Sunita isn't so sure.
"I would like one husband," she says.
But when asked if she will marry for love or tradition, Sunita's answer makes it clear the tradition of marrying more than one man will continue with the next generation.
"I will never leave our tradition even if I have to forgo love. I will never spoil my parents' reputation and my brothers.'"
Friday, October 24, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Under pressure
You would think that with the current credit crunch, an impending historic election in the United States just days away and what impact the global financial retraction would have on Bermuda I would write about these important and timely topics.
No. I want to talk about the pressure I am feeling from ladies’ bag designers. Let me say from the outset I love bags. They are one of my passions. I take bags seriously as I believe they say a lot about the person carrying them.
I have travel handbags which must have certain features that make carrying them handy and non-cumbersome when elbowing 6’5” guys out of the way as my suitcase is carried away at warp speed by the luggage conveyor belts in the arrivals hall. The bag I travel with has to be big enough to carry my day to day items – 32 lipsticks, three nail files, a myriad of mints (you never know when you may have to offer one politely to the person next to you on a plane whose definition of oral hygiene may not be approved by the American or any other Dental Association), a wallet and various other items a girl can’t live without. Conversely the bag has to be small enough to look cute if you are going out to dinner with friends and family members whom you haven’t seen for months, years or indeed ever.
So I have this cute black bag I took to Omaha with me. I tend to use it exclusively for travel. However this time around for some reason upon my return I didn’t switch back to my day to day bag. The bag is great; It is divided into five discrete areas if you include the little flap at the back and the two pocket areas in the front.
It also has various tailor made pockets for a cell phone, lotion, iPod, credit cards and another cell phone (some people carry two – as I did for two years). These pockets have caused me to become a little anxious in that there are so many I am feeling pressured to not only use them all but to use them correctly.
Two things are driving me nuts – am I using the pockets for the right items and what do I do with the pockets that I don’t have anything to put in. I have figured out where my cell phone and other crucial items should reside and I didn’t realize how anal I have been about these compartments until I was in a meeting recently and reached for a pen (which has its own little slot). As I took it out and saw in my haste to leave the house I had put a few items in the wrong areas. I could hear the person leading the meeting still talking so I quickly started taking pieces out of my bag and discretely placing them on the table in front of me so I could return the items to their logical space.
I was doing okay until I realized that there hadn’t been a sound in the room for about 45 seconds. I glanced up as I reached for the remote control to the radio in my office (there is a long story about why I was carrying it around with me) and realized that everyone was looking at me expectantly. I must have had a blank look on my face because the person next to me whispered that it was now my turn to talk. With half a dozen items still in front of me I had to quickly think of a graceful way to get out of what could have been a potentially embarrassing situation.
Anyway, to get back to my purse. During that meeting I realized that I was feeling pressured (and perhaps a little intimidated) by bag designers to get it right. I don’t like that feeling but I like being organized. I have to find a mental and emotional space where I can let my natural inclination to have an orderly purse, which leads to an orderly life, which leads to an orderly world overcome the self-imposed need towards being a semi-perfectionist and accept that there are no right or wrongs when it comes to purse order and organization. Although if the pockets were labeled …
No. I want to talk about the pressure I am feeling from ladies’ bag designers. Let me say from the outset I love bags. They are one of my passions. I take bags seriously as I believe they say a lot about the person carrying them.
I have travel handbags which must have certain features that make carrying them handy and non-cumbersome when elbowing 6’5” guys out of the way as my suitcase is carried away at warp speed by the luggage conveyor belts in the arrivals hall. The bag I travel with has to be big enough to carry my day to day items – 32 lipsticks, three nail files, a myriad of mints (you never know when you may have to offer one politely to the person next to you on a plane whose definition of oral hygiene may not be approved by the American or any other Dental Association), a wallet and various other items a girl can’t live without. Conversely the bag has to be small enough to look cute if you are going out to dinner with friends and family members whom you haven’t seen for months, years or indeed ever.
So I have this cute black bag I took to Omaha with me. I tend to use it exclusively for travel. However this time around for some reason upon my return I didn’t switch back to my day to day bag. The bag is great; It is divided into five discrete areas if you include the little flap at the back and the two pocket areas in the front.
It also has various tailor made pockets for a cell phone, lotion, iPod, credit cards and another cell phone (some people carry two – as I did for two years). These pockets have caused me to become a little anxious in that there are so many I am feeling pressured to not only use them all but to use them correctly.
Two things are driving me nuts – am I using the pockets for the right items and what do I do with the pockets that I don’t have anything to put in. I have figured out where my cell phone and other crucial items should reside and I didn’t realize how anal I have been about these compartments until I was in a meeting recently and reached for a pen (which has its own little slot). As I took it out and saw in my haste to leave the house I had put a few items in the wrong areas. I could hear the person leading the meeting still talking so I quickly started taking pieces out of my bag and discretely placing them on the table in front of me so I could return the items to their logical space.
I was doing okay until I realized that there hadn’t been a sound in the room for about 45 seconds. I glanced up as I reached for the remote control to the radio in my office (there is a long story about why I was carrying it around with me) and realized that everyone was looking at me expectantly. I must have had a blank look on my face because the person next to me whispered that it was now my turn to talk. With half a dozen items still in front of me I had to quickly think of a graceful way to get out of what could have been a potentially embarrassing situation.
Anyway, to get back to my purse. During that meeting I realized that I was feeling pressured (and perhaps a little intimidated) by bag designers to get it right. I don’t like that feeling but I like being organized. I have to find a mental and emotional space where I can let my natural inclination to have an orderly purse, which leads to an orderly life, which leads to an orderly world overcome the self-imposed need towards being a semi-perfectionist and accept that there are no right or wrongs when it comes to purse order and organization. Although if the pockets were labeled …
Friday, October 17, 2008
How to Complain at a Hotel
I promise you, I didn't go looking for this article - it popped up. Given my latest travel escapade and subsequent response from the hotel I thought I would conclude the series of entries with this well timed article. So if you run into problems with roaches, Elder bugs or any other insects you know what to do, and equally important, how to complain.
Get satisfaction when things go wrong during your hotel stay
By Charlyn Keating Chisholm, About.com
Even in the best hotels, things go wrong occasionally. Patience, persistence, and smile go a long way toward getting results when you have a valid complaint at a hotel.
Identify the ProblemMake sure you can explain the problem clearly and concisely. Don't exaggerate; be honest and tell it like it is. Get evidence if you can. A photo snapped with your cell phone can be a powerful image.
If it's just a small annoyance, consider letting it slide. Life is short, and that goes double when you're on vacation. Save yourself some stress by picking your battles, keeping your sense of humor and being flexible when faced with a minor issue you can live with.
Identify the Solution
Before you complain, figure out what your expectations for solution are. Do you need something fixed in your room? Need a new room assigned? What's your timetable?
Be realistic about compensation for problems. You shouldn't pay for services you didn't receive. But you are unlikely to have your entire stay comped because because one thing was not working in your room.
One helpful approach is to tell the manager that you are not looking for compensation, you just wanted to let him/her know there is a problem so it can be addressed.
Time Your Complaint
Complain as soon as you know there is a problem. Don't wait until the next day or when you are checking out. Still, if there's a long line at the front desk and all the phones are ringing, you may want to delay until a quieter time so attention can be paid to your problem.
Complain in Person
Don't call the front desk with your problem. Go down in person and talk face to face. Explain the situation and let them know what your expectations are. Keep your story short and to the point.
Remain Calm
Be polite and calm. Even if you feel frustrated or angry, never raise your voice or lose your cool. A smile goes a long way toward helping people want to help you. Losing your temper will make the situation worse, and may even get you escorted out of the hotel. Tell your story once, without exaggeration or drama ("My whole trip is ruined!"), and what you'd like done about it, and wait for a response.
Find the Person With the Power
You should be able to determine fairly quickly if the person you are speaking to is willing and able to fix the problem. If not, ask for the manager on duty or GM (general manager). Calmly and candidly explain the situation to the manager and what you would like done. Let them know who else you've talked to and when.
Be Patient
In many cases, the situation can be resolved right away. Hotel staff are in the customer service business, and for the most part, they want you to be satisfied. Keep in mind that some problems are beyond their control, and some take time to fix. If you have a specific time frame (e.g., you have a dinner meeting and need to use that broken shower); ask them for a backup plan (use of a shower in another room or in the spa).
Be Persistent
If you are speaking to the right person (the one with the power to fix the problem), and they seem unwilling to do so, ask again, and then a third time. Remain polite and keep your cool, but be persistent in stating your need for a solution.
Be Flexible
If they can't offer the fix you requested, consider any alternate fixes they've offered with an open mind. Is it really going to ruin your entire vacation if you don't have a view of the pool as you imagined? Keep your sense of humor and focus on the positives.
Take It Home
It's best to resolve the problem when you are still at the hotel. If for some reason they can't fix the problem to your satisfaction while you are in the hotel, keep notes of what happened, who you talked to, when, and what was said. Once at home, you can dispute the charges with the credit card company (always pay with one) and write a letter to the General Manager of the hotel. You should expect a reply within a couple of weeks with an apology, a partial refund, or an invitation to return to the hotel at a reduced rate in the future. If the hotel is part of a chain, don't escalate your letter writing to the CEO unless you are unable to get a satisfactory response from the hotel staff.
Even if you have a complaint, remember: hotels (and the people who work in them) aren't perfect, and things go wrong more often than any of us would like. If you find a hotel that solves your problems efficiently, show them your appreciation by becoming a repeat customer.
Get satisfaction when things go wrong during your hotel stay
By Charlyn Keating Chisholm, About.com
Even in the best hotels, things go wrong occasionally. Patience, persistence, and smile go a long way toward getting results when you have a valid complaint at a hotel.
Identify the ProblemMake sure you can explain the problem clearly and concisely. Don't exaggerate; be honest and tell it like it is. Get evidence if you can. A photo snapped with your cell phone can be a powerful image.
If it's just a small annoyance, consider letting it slide. Life is short, and that goes double when you're on vacation. Save yourself some stress by picking your battles, keeping your sense of humor and being flexible when faced with a minor issue you can live with.
Identify the Solution
Before you complain, figure out what your expectations for solution are. Do you need something fixed in your room? Need a new room assigned? What's your timetable?
Be realistic about compensation for problems. You shouldn't pay for services you didn't receive. But you are unlikely to have your entire stay comped because because one thing was not working in your room.
One helpful approach is to tell the manager that you are not looking for compensation, you just wanted to let him/her know there is a problem so it can be addressed.
Time Your Complaint
Complain as soon as you know there is a problem. Don't wait until the next day or when you are checking out. Still, if there's a long line at the front desk and all the phones are ringing, you may want to delay until a quieter time so attention can be paid to your problem.
Complain in Person
Don't call the front desk with your problem. Go down in person and talk face to face. Explain the situation and let them know what your expectations are. Keep your story short and to the point.
Remain Calm
Be polite and calm. Even if you feel frustrated or angry, never raise your voice or lose your cool. A smile goes a long way toward helping people want to help you. Losing your temper will make the situation worse, and may even get you escorted out of the hotel. Tell your story once, without exaggeration or drama ("My whole trip is ruined!"), and what you'd like done about it, and wait for a response.
Find the Person With the Power
You should be able to determine fairly quickly if the person you are speaking to is willing and able to fix the problem. If not, ask for the manager on duty or GM (general manager). Calmly and candidly explain the situation to the manager and what you would like done. Let them know who else you've talked to and when.
Be Patient
In many cases, the situation can be resolved right away. Hotel staff are in the customer service business, and for the most part, they want you to be satisfied. Keep in mind that some problems are beyond their control, and some take time to fix. If you have a specific time frame (e.g., you have a dinner meeting and need to use that broken shower); ask them for a backup plan (use of a shower in another room or in the spa).
Be Persistent
If you are speaking to the right person (the one with the power to fix the problem), and they seem unwilling to do so, ask again, and then a third time. Remain polite and keep your cool, but be persistent in stating your need for a solution.
Be Flexible
If they can't offer the fix you requested, consider any alternate fixes they've offered with an open mind. Is it really going to ruin your entire vacation if you don't have a view of the pool as you imagined? Keep your sense of humor and focus on the positives.
Take It Home
It's best to resolve the problem when you are still at the hotel. If for some reason they can't fix the problem to your satisfaction while you are in the hotel, keep notes of what happened, who you talked to, when, and what was said. Once at home, you can dispute the charges with the credit card company (always pay with one) and write a letter to the General Manager of the hotel. You should expect a reply within a couple of weeks with an apology, a partial refund, or an invitation to return to the hotel at a reduced rate in the future. If the hotel is part of a chain, don't escalate your letter writing to the CEO unless you are unable to get a satisfactory response from the hotel staff.
Even if you have a complaint, remember: hotels (and the people who work in them) aren't perfect, and things go wrong more often than any of us would like. If you find a hotel that solves your problems efficiently, show them your appreciation by becoming a repeat customer.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Bugging out
After my traumatic ordeal at Four Points, I wrote to the hotel manager and expressed my concern about the bugs in his establishment. Here is his response:
Good Afternoon,
Thank you for contacting me regarding your recent visit to our property, I apologize for the condition in which you found you hotel rooms. I assure you that the insects you saw were not roaches. They are in fact, Box Elder bugs and are related to the Lady Bug. They are harmless, which does not excuse their presence, but unfortunately, they are a nuisance in our area each fall. We have had the interior and exterior of our buildings treated this past week in order to remedy the issue.
For the inconvenience, I have awarded 7000 points to your SPG account.
I am happy we were able to accommodate you at the Sheraton Suites and I thank you for bringing this matter to my attention.
Regards,
Stephen Pugh
Director of Guest Services
Good Afternoon,
Thank you for contacting me regarding your recent visit to our property, I apologize for the condition in which you found you hotel rooms. I assure you that the insects you saw were not roaches. They are in fact, Box Elder bugs and are related to the Lady Bug. They are harmless, which does not excuse their presence, but unfortunately, they are a nuisance in our area each fall. We have had the interior and exterior of our buildings treated this past week in order to remedy the issue.
For the inconvenience, I have awarded 7000 points to your SPG account.
I am happy we were able to accommodate you at the Sheraton Suites and I thank you for bringing this matter to my attention.
Regards,
Stephen Pugh
Director of Guest Services
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So my husband is in Omaha until December. Last week I decided to fly from Bermuda and surprise him for his birthday. I made the decision pretty late and all the seats on the most direct route were taken or the ticket price was outrageous. So I decided to get the cheapest ticket which, of course took me through Philadelphia and Chicago before getting to Omaha. Usually Bermuda to Newark then on to Omaha is the most direct route.
I am very happy to report that there were no incidents going and my arrival was a complete surprise for my husband. He didn't have a clue!
The return journey home was event-free except for the incident I am about to relay. I promise you I am not making this up nor am I embellishing the details and I will not change the names to protect the guilty.
I knew that on my return to Bermuda I would have to overnight in Philadelphia. No problem I called and made reservations at Four Points Sheraton at Philadelphia Airport with confirmation that I would be arriving after mid-night. My credit card secured the room and I was a happy camper.
Got to Philly - waited for the shuttle for about ten minutes. Not bad at all. Walked into the lobby of the hotel. The front desk clerk was on the phone and looking a little harried. She was dealing with a customer complaint on the phone and trying to book me in. After about 20 minutes I was given the key to my room and proceeded to the elevator which whisked me to the fourth floor. Found room 453 and walked in. I noted that a dead roach greeted me but I thought - well at least it is dead.
As I entered the room I felt it didn't have that crisp freshly made feel to it that hotel rooms usually have. I looked around to determine why I felt that way. The pillows - they were squashed down and not straight and neat. Had someone been in the room and laid down? I continued to look around. I went into the bathroom - yes someone had been in there. There was used soap in the soap dish and the soap wrapper was on the counter. I looked in the sink and there was dried lather in the sink - where someone had washed their hands.
I looked in the bath tub and found two insects lying there waiting for their towel, valet, I'm not sure what.
As I shuddered to think that my room hadn't been cleaned properly something on the floor near the window attracted my attention. I walked over and bent at the waist to get a better look. There was something dead on the floor with ants all over it.
My skin was crawling and on my way out the door I grabbed my luggage and bolted for the elevator.
I talked with the front counter clerk and explained my situation and demanded another room. She disappeared for about seven minutes in the middle of serving another customer. When she returned, I noted the white towel in her hand but didn't think too much of it.
She finished serving the customer in front of her and gave me another room. I took the key ever hopeful that I could finally lay my head down and get some well deserved sleep.
I walked into the new room and knew instantly that someone had been laying in the bed because it wasn't even made up properly. I walked to the desk and there was a roach eyeing reproachfully as it casually made its way home.
I didn't even both to put my bags down I hightailed it out of there but not before taking pictures as my empirical evidence.
Meanwhile back in the lobby the front desk clerk who wasn't having a good shift looked at me and I am sure mentally shook her head and cut her eyes. By this time I had my husband on the phone and was regaling to him my adventure thus far.
Again I explained my situation - the young lady wasn't surprised because I think when she disappeared for those seven minutes she had gone up to the room, moved out the guests who were complaining and decided to reassign their room to me in hopes that I wouldn't notice the extra guests who weren't paying their share of the room.
Finally she sent me to their sister hotel - Sheraton Suites which was across the street.
I have traveled around the world and except for that time in Zimbabwe out in the bush when ants invaded my toothbrush (and I had to made a life changing, character building decision - throw away the toothbrush and not brush my teeth for weeks on end or pick out the ants and wash off the brush with the water from my waterbottle) I can categorically say I have never had to deal with an insect infestation at a hotel I had to spend the night.
I will be writing to the Sheraton hotel chain to describe in detail my teeth gritting, skin crawling experience.
I am very happy to report that there were no incidents going and my arrival was a complete surprise for my husband. He didn't have a clue!
The return journey home was event-free except for the incident I am about to relay. I promise you I am not making this up nor am I embellishing the details and I will not change the names to protect the guilty.
I knew that on my return to Bermuda I would have to overnight in Philadelphia. No problem I called and made reservations at Four Points Sheraton at Philadelphia Airport with confirmation that I would be arriving after mid-night. My credit card secured the room and I was a happy camper.
Got to Philly - waited for the shuttle for about ten minutes. Not bad at all. Walked into the lobby of the hotel. The front desk clerk was on the phone and looking a little harried. She was dealing with a customer complaint on the phone and trying to book me in. After about 20 minutes I was given the key to my room and proceeded to the elevator which whisked me to the fourth floor. Found room 453 and walked in. I noted that a dead roach greeted me but I thought - well at least it is dead.
As I entered the room I felt it didn't have that crisp freshly made feel to it that hotel rooms usually have. I looked around to determine why I felt that way. The pillows - they were squashed down and not straight and neat. Had someone been in the room and laid down? I continued to look around. I went into the bathroom - yes someone had been in there. There was used soap in the soap dish and the soap wrapper was on the counter. I looked in the sink and there was dried lather in the sink - where someone had washed their hands.
I looked in the bath tub and found two insects lying there waiting for their towel, valet, I'm not sure what.
As I shuddered to think that my room hadn't been cleaned properly something on the floor near the window attracted my attention. I walked over and bent at the waist to get a better look. There was something dead on the floor with ants all over it.
My skin was crawling and on my way out the door I grabbed my luggage and bolted for the elevator.
I talked with the front counter clerk and explained my situation and demanded another room. She disappeared for about seven minutes in the middle of serving another customer. When she returned, I noted the white towel in her hand but didn't think too much of it.
She finished serving the customer in front of her and gave me another room. I took the key ever hopeful that I could finally lay my head down and get some well deserved sleep.
I walked into the new room and knew instantly that someone had been laying in the bed because it wasn't even made up properly. I walked to the desk and there was a roach eyeing reproachfully as it casually made its way home.
I didn't even both to put my bags down I hightailed it out of there but not before taking pictures as my empirical evidence.
Meanwhile back in the lobby the front desk clerk who wasn't having a good shift looked at me and I am sure mentally shook her head and cut her eyes. By this time I had my husband on the phone and was regaling to him my adventure thus far.
Again I explained my situation - the young lady wasn't surprised because I think when she disappeared for those seven minutes she had gone up to the room, moved out the guests who were complaining and decided to reassign their room to me in hopes that I wouldn't notice the extra guests who weren't paying their share of the room.
Finally she sent me to their sister hotel - Sheraton Suites which was across the street.
I have traveled around the world and except for that time in Zimbabwe out in the bush when ants invaded my toothbrush (and I had to made a life changing, character building decision - throw away the toothbrush and not brush my teeth for weeks on end or pick out the ants and wash off the brush with the water from my waterbottle) I can categorically say I have never had to deal with an insect infestation at a hotel I had to spend the night.
I will be writing to the Sheraton hotel chain to describe in detail my teeth gritting, skin crawling experience.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Palin comparison
I don't think I have been this fascinated by a US presidential election since ... well, ever. There was that time in high school when in History class I had a bet with my friend that Carter would beat Reagan. I lost and needless to say I was wrong for eight long years.
This election has grabbed people's attention like nothing before. It has everything - money, financial crashes, political posturing, missteps, bad interviews - all the isms you can think of - agism, sexism, racism ... you name it, it is all there.
I must admit when McCain announced Palin as his running mate I thought to myself he has just pulled off a political coup - he will now work woo away all the Clinton supporters who were upset that she wasn't the nominee or Obama's running mate. I made the assumption that Palin was a tested politician with the smarts to play the game and play it well.
I think I've read so much over the last few weeks about this election I swear I could answer all the questions on a Jeopardy! category correctly.
Of all the OpEd pieces I have read the one below could only have been written by a woman about another woman. I have to admit I chuckled in a few places. I welcome your thoughts - do you agree with this piece? As a group do we squarely fit into these categories?
Why Some Women Hate Sarah Palin
By Belinda Luscombe Thursday, Oct. 02, 2008
Some polls are suggesting that after gaining an initial bump, McCain's campaign is being hobbled by Sarah Palin's vice-presidential candidacy. The voters who are deserting her fastest, some of whom are even calling on her to withdraw, are mostly women.
Ah, women, the consistently, tragically underestimated constituency. What the Democrats learned during the primaries and the Republicans might now be finding out the hard way, I learned at my very academic, well-regarded all-girls high school: that is never to discount the ability of women to open a robust, committed, well-thought-out vat of hatred for another girl.
Women are weapons-grade haters. Hillary Clinton knows it. Palin knows it too. When women get their hate on, they don't just dislike, or find disfavor with, or sort of not really appreciate. They loathe — deeply, richly, sustainingly. I do not say this to disparage my gender; women also love in more or less the same way.
When men disagree, the steps to resolution are reasonably clear and unsophisticated. Acts of physical violence are visited upon one another's person or property, and the whole thing blows over. Women? Nu-unh. We savor the discord. We draw it out. We share our contempt with our friends, like a useful stock tip, or really good salsa. And then we all go hate together: a mutually encouraging group activity for when the book group gets quiet.
The hatred women have for Sarah Palin, and others had for Hillary before her, is not necessarily about politics. Anybody can run the numbers on how many people Palin's pro-life, pro-gun, socially conservative policies will seduce and how many they will alienate. Rather, the test that the McCain campaign failed to put her through was the Abbotsleigh Ladies College test. (Named after my high school. Go, green and gold!). It's a simple three-point pass-fail exam: Will the other girls like her?
Here's why Palin doesn't make the grade:
1. She's too pretty. This is very bad news. At school, pretty girls tend to be liked only by other pretty girls. The rest of us, whose looks hover somewhere around underwhelming, resent them and whisper archly of their "unearned attention." So, if everyone calls your candidate "hot," you're in a whole mess of trouble. If the Pakistani head-of-state more or less hits on her, well, yes, she'll get a sympathy vote, but we're in Dukakis-in-the-tank territory. It's an admiration vaporizer. (Of course a candidate can't be too ugly, or it will scare the men, who are clearly shallow as a gender.)
2. She's too confident. This also bodes ill. Women have self-esteem issues. But they also have other-women's-esteem issues. As almost any woman — from the head of the Budgerigar Breeders association to Queen Elizabeth — can attest, it's almost impossible to get confidence right. Too timid and you're a pushover. Too self-aggrandizing and you're a bad word unless it's about a dog, or Project Runway's Kenley. Or Michelle, my best friend until 9th grade, after she won that debating prize and got cocky.
3. She could embarrass us. History is not on Palin's side. Every time a woman gets a plum job, be she Hewlett-Packard's ex-boss, Carly Fiorina, or CBS's Katie Couric, there's always that whispery fear that people will think she got the job just because she's a woman. So if things don't go well — and a couple of YouTube clips have suggested that they're certainly not going well for Palin — women are the first to turn on her for making it harder for the rest of us to louse up at work.
The fact of the matter is once a female decides it's over with another female, it's like an end-stage marriage. No matter how seemingly benign, every attribute becomes an affront: the hair, the voice, the husband, the moose-shooting, the glasses, the big family, the making rape victims pay for their own rape test kits.
I know, I know. With all this extra baggage a female candidate has to bear, the chances of finding a woman whom other women won't hate seem skinnier than last year's jeans. But don't despair, if all else fails, we could just do what we always do and just vote in some guy. It's worked so well for us in the past.
This election has grabbed people's attention like nothing before. It has everything - money, financial crashes, political posturing, missteps, bad interviews - all the isms you can think of - agism, sexism, racism ... you name it, it is all there.
I must admit when McCain announced Palin as his running mate I thought to myself he has just pulled off a political coup - he will now work woo away all the Clinton supporters who were upset that she wasn't the nominee or Obama's running mate. I made the assumption that Palin was a tested politician with the smarts to play the game and play it well.
I think I've read so much over the last few weeks about this election I swear I could answer all the questions on a Jeopardy! category correctly.
Of all the OpEd pieces I have read the one below could only have been written by a woman about another woman. I have to admit I chuckled in a few places. I welcome your thoughts - do you agree with this piece? As a group do we squarely fit into these categories?
Why Some Women Hate Sarah Palin
By Belinda Luscombe Thursday, Oct. 02, 2008
Some polls are suggesting that after gaining an initial bump, McCain's campaign is being hobbled by Sarah Palin's vice-presidential candidacy. The voters who are deserting her fastest, some of whom are even calling on her to withdraw, are mostly women.
Ah, women, the consistently, tragically underestimated constituency. What the Democrats learned during the primaries and the Republicans might now be finding out the hard way, I learned at my very academic, well-regarded all-girls high school: that is never to discount the ability of women to open a robust, committed, well-thought-out vat of hatred for another girl.
Women are weapons-grade haters. Hillary Clinton knows it. Palin knows it too. When women get their hate on, they don't just dislike, or find disfavor with, or sort of not really appreciate. They loathe — deeply, richly, sustainingly. I do not say this to disparage my gender; women also love in more or less the same way.
When men disagree, the steps to resolution are reasonably clear and unsophisticated. Acts of physical violence are visited upon one another's person or property, and the whole thing blows over. Women? Nu-unh. We savor the discord. We draw it out. We share our contempt with our friends, like a useful stock tip, or really good salsa. And then we all go hate together: a mutually encouraging group activity for when the book group gets quiet.
The hatred women have for Sarah Palin, and others had for Hillary before her, is not necessarily about politics. Anybody can run the numbers on how many people Palin's pro-life, pro-gun, socially conservative policies will seduce and how many they will alienate. Rather, the test that the McCain campaign failed to put her through was the Abbotsleigh Ladies College test. (Named after my high school. Go, green and gold!). It's a simple three-point pass-fail exam: Will the other girls like her?
Here's why Palin doesn't make the grade:
1. She's too pretty. This is very bad news. At school, pretty girls tend to be liked only by other pretty girls. The rest of us, whose looks hover somewhere around underwhelming, resent them and whisper archly of their "unearned attention." So, if everyone calls your candidate "hot," you're in a whole mess of trouble. If the Pakistani head-of-state more or less hits on her, well, yes, she'll get a sympathy vote, but we're in Dukakis-in-the-tank territory. It's an admiration vaporizer. (Of course a candidate can't be too ugly, or it will scare the men, who are clearly shallow as a gender.)
2. She's too confident. This also bodes ill. Women have self-esteem issues. But they also have other-women's-esteem issues. As almost any woman — from the head of the Budgerigar Breeders association to Queen Elizabeth — can attest, it's almost impossible to get confidence right. Too timid and you're a pushover. Too self-aggrandizing and you're a bad word unless it's about a dog, or Project Runway's Kenley. Or Michelle, my best friend until 9th grade, after she won that debating prize and got cocky.
3. She could embarrass us. History is not on Palin's side. Every time a woman gets a plum job, be she Hewlett-Packard's ex-boss, Carly Fiorina, or CBS's Katie Couric, there's always that whispery fear that people will think she got the job just because she's a woman. So if things don't go well — and a couple of YouTube clips have suggested that they're certainly not going well for Palin — women are the first to turn on her for making it harder for the rest of us to louse up at work.
The fact of the matter is once a female decides it's over with another female, it's like an end-stage marriage. No matter how seemingly benign, every attribute becomes an affront: the hair, the voice, the husband, the moose-shooting, the glasses, the big family, the making rape victims pay for their own rape test kits.
I know, I know. With all this extra baggage a female candidate has to bear, the chances of finding a woman whom other women won't hate seem skinnier than last year's jeans. But don't despair, if all else fails, we could just do what we always do and just vote in some guy. It's worked so well for us in the past.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
