This long overdue entry is not for the faint-hearted, women,
children or men. It is however for those who, like me, didn’t have a clue that
menopause starts when women are in their 40s.
This essay will explore and explode the myths around women
‘of a certain age’ and the physiological changes they go through.
The myth
For many women menopause apparently starts when they are in
their 40s. For me it started when I was 48 but I didn’t have a name for it
until I was 49. I thought I would get unusually hot because I was drinking coffee,
walking down the street, sleeping too much (and by too much, I mean three
hours) or standing still too long.
My best friend Jackie alerted me to the fact that I may be
in menopause. She asked me a few insightful questions and like a ton of bricks
it quickly became apparent, I was in the throes of menopause.
Following a number of discussions with women who are also
‘of a certain age’ I came to understand that I am indeed old enough to
experience the joys of menopause.
Bloody bleeding
One of the things I didn’t know was that you get periods for
days and days and days and days on end. It is times like this that only well
placed expletives are absolutely appropriate. Who the fuck has a period that
lasts for two fucking weeks? Where is the sanity in that? WHAT THE FUCK?!
Taking a deep cleansing breath, I am refocusing on the task
at hand. Yes, ladies, your periods become erratic and you have no idea when it will
start or how long it will last. Feels like I’m 12 years old all over again.
I remember asking a doctor how I could get rid of my
periods. She said, it’s called a hysterectomy.
My immediate response was, okay thanks. Don’t need that.
Who needs sleep?
Another wonderful side effect of menopause is the lack of
sleep. Who needs sleep anyway? I find myself waking at odd times of the night
wondering what just happened and why am I wide awake? Since I am unable to fall
asleep I spend my time wisely, reading mindless erotica and trolling Facebook
to see who else is awake.
Hot flashing
One minute you are normal and the next you want to get
naked. There is no in between mode. The most frightening hot flash experience I
had was on a flight from Johannesburg to London. I usually dress warm and
comfortably for long flights. About three hours into the flight, after the
meals had been served and the lights dimmed, I settled in to read my book while
listening to music. Suddenly the plane caught on fire. I jumped up from my seat
– or at least attempted to but was restrained by my seat belt. I turned to see
where the flames were leaping from since my back was experiencing intense heat.
There were no flames. I looked at my neighbor to see if she was experiencing
this unusual heat wave. Nothing. I looked around. It seemed as though everyone
else was either sleeping or riveted by the movie before them.
I came to the sad conclusion that it was only me going
through the agonizing, excruciating heat. I couldn’t disrobe because I only had
on a sweater. I have since learned to dress in layers. Layers are my friend.
Exploding brain cells
I also experienced, which I will lay at the feet of
menopause, not being able to think. I had to provide a client with a complex project
plan that had lots of moving parts. I was in the process of finalizing the
document when it dawned on me that I had spent three hours on one section and
could not figure out how to make it all work. I was running out of time. I had
a meeting to present the final plan to a larger group. I had to bring my game
face. Luckily I had told my client of my issues and the fact that I COULD NOT
THINK today. She very smoothly stepped in to provide assistance.
It was scary not being able to access that one important
brain cell when I needed it.
Envy
I will start to wrap up this soliloquy with my salute to
women who no longer have periods. For the last eight months or so, I have been
speaking to women about my menopause issues. I have been greeted with open arms
and welcomed into the fold. I have heard many stories about how others have
handled all of the above issues. Many have gleefully told me, they no longer
have periods and they are living in bliss (until it comes back unexpectedly
after a year or so).
The surprise
My greatest surprise in all of this is my husband. I sat
with him one day and told him I was starting to experience menopause. He took
it all in stride and asked me a number of probing questions and offered his
support. I thought that was the end of it, until he came home one day with a
list of remedies. I asked how he got it. He said he was talking with one of the
ladies at work … hold the presses. He was having conversations about this
outside of our home? Who knew?! Anyway, he seems very comfortable addressing
this topic. He often asks, how is the menopause?
I live in hope that this exciting stage of my life will
yield many lessons and add to my increasing wisdom bank. As I said, well placed
expletives help. FUCK!