I woke up early on May 25. I climbed out of bed and moved to
the outside balcony so I could contemplate my life. I honestly expected a
lightening bolt to strike me with sudden wisdom and I didn’t want my roommate,
Frances, to become collateral damage.
While I sat outside in the early dawn I thought – this is
it. I am now 50 years old. I am in an amazing hotel in the middle of Ubud, Bali
in Indonesia. I am exactly where I wanted to be when I started planning this
trip some 18 months ago.
Part of my journey was to discover myself at 50. My plan was
to travel around; me, my journal and my camera. In the end I found that in
reality it was just me. The other things were accessories and not absolutely
needed for the trip.
I am currently sitting on the flight from LAX to Miami, en
route home. I wanted to return with the wisdom of Yoda, the lyrics of Khalil
Gibran and the story telling ability of Maya Angelou (who passed away while I
was travelling). Instead, I have been imbued with the knowledge that I am still
who I am, no matter what part of the world I happen to be in.
I am truly grateful for the fact that I have been able to
take advantage of the opportunities that came my way. I have also learned that
regardless of where I am, I still have to be able to face myself, look at myself
in the mirror and meet my eyes and like the person I am, the person I am
becoming and forgive myself for any perceived missteps or short comings.
Part of my goal for this trip was to be open to whatever
happened, whatever came up.
One of the more random things I did was travel to a place
called Yogyakarta with Frances. Before the trip, I had never heard of the place
and we were going to be there for less than 24 hours. But what the heck -
Later in Melaka, I randomly stopped to taste the wares of a
street vendor. I sat at the only table with an empty seat. There was a lady beside me
and we started talking. She was from Singapore and told me about the research
she was conducting for her Masters thesis. She asked me if I have been to the
museum. I hadn’t, so decided to accompany her to the museum.
Initially I didn’t want to take the guided tour but in the
end I took it. I’m happy I did. I learned a great deal about the Baban and
Nyongo (need to check the spelling) – these are the descendants of Chinese men
who came to Malayasia and married Malay women.
I am eternally grateful to the women who joined me in Bali
to kick start the celebrations. Frances traveled from Bermuda, Sharon from
Singapore, Mariam and Fatima came from Bahrain. There is something special
about women gathering. We all come from different backgrounds and perspectives.
We came with open hearts and a willingness to be together and experience Ubud.
All I can say, is I had a fabulous time. I learned from
them. I laughed with them. I appreciated them. They each helped to define this
journey.
So what did I learn? Everything and nothing. Everything I
need to know is already inside of I and I don’t have to travel to the other
side of the world to discover it. I can sit on the front porch of my house and
know all I need to know about myself. However sometimes you have to make the
journey in order to absorb the knowledge and rest assured that you really
aren’t missing anything.
As I reflect on the last three weeks I am left with a profound
sense of gratitude. I am still teary – I have been assured the tears are a
process of going through menopause. I have also been told that I am still at
the start of the process. I’m not deeply into it yet. Yay! I have that to look
forward to!
My closing thoughts? 50! Wow! What a feeling!